I struggle with anxiety.
Sometimes I become so anxious about certain things that I cannot think about anything else. There have been times when my anxious thoughts have changed my way of living. Often, when I become anxious about something, I stop eating—mainly because eating makes my physically ill.
I do not remember when I began struggling with extreme anxiety, but I do know it was probably at a young-ish age, and at that time it was mostly associated with my phobia of spiders and clowns. However, nowadays I find myself becoming overwhelmed and consumed with anxious thoughts about my life. I continually think about and analyze where my life is now, and where I want to go with my life. I think about how school is not necessary for what I want to do with my life, but then I stress about the possibility of never being hired somewhere because I do not have a degree.
Anxiety is a vicious cycle, one that is honestly hard to stop.
Something that I have been continually anxious about lately is fundraising for my trip to England this summer. The trip I am taking with 7 other youth ministry majors here at JBU costs me $5000! That’s a lot of money…I am almost half way finished with my fundraising, but I only have about 7 weeks left to raise what is left.
My mind has been very focused on this lately, and I have been driving myself mad thinking of ways that I can raise more money…I feel as if I am not doing enough but at the same time I do not know what else I can do. I have sent out support letters, I am selling hair accessories both to friends around campus and on Etsy, and I am devoting all of the money I make from my 3 jobs to the cause…but it still falls short!
As I was dwelling on this fact and become more and more anxious, almost to the point of frustration the Lord began to remind my heart of the promise He gave me about this trip five months ago
He desires my presence on this mission.
I was so very humbled. God wants me to go to England this summer! He desires me to be there, and if that is the case, then He will provide the way for me.
I do not know where the rest of the money is going to come from. I do not know when the money is going to come—it might be the day before it is all due, May 1st. But I do know one thing, God is for me…so who can be against me?
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7 This is what I need to be continually reminding myself of. I do not need to become anxious about where the money will come from, or how I can do a better job of fundraising. I need to rest in His promise that He is behind this adventure. His desire is to see me spread His fruitful glory to those I encounter in England.
My anxious thoughts and doubts do not bring glory to His might and power. I will rest in His promises. I will rest in Him.
What have you been anxious about lately?