I’m really busy.
All the time.
It’s a fault…kind of. Let me explain:
Being busy doesn’t necessarily have negative connotations associated with it. When you are doing a lot, it means you’re getting a lot done [unless you’re doing a lot of unproductive junk like playing X Box all day…] However, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I’m busy in positive ways. I’m involved with a lot; I’m a director for a ministry through New Life Ranch called Right Quest. I am a youth leader/follow up coordinator for my church, Harvard Avenue Baptist Church, I’m really involved with the college group at my church, I mentor girls, I work, I’m a student, and there’s more I just don’t want to overwhelm anyone…I’m involved with a lot of stuff, which I think is a good thing, but I am also finding that I tend to forget to slow down because I’m so busy.
This is where it kind of becomes a fault….Okay, maybe more than kind of.
I like being busy, it’s a great way to forget about things. I don’t have to stop and think about all the uncertainties in my life, like what am I going to do after I graduate, where will I live next year, what should I do this summer, should I be an R.A. next year, what will I blog about next…the list could go on, and on, and on. I don’t like to dwell on the unknown, it intimidates me. So rather than surrendering my anxiety to the Lord, I fill my life so full with stuff and activities that I push the anxiety to the back of my mind and “forget” about it…but we all know it’s not really forgotten. No, it comes up, in the quite moments of our day, or right before we drift off to sleep, and then it keeps us up at night, and distracts us from everything else. We can try and keep on shoving it down, but eventually it’s going to come out. Eventually we’re going to have to deal with all the anxiety we’ve been hiding away. Eventually we’re going to have to slow down.
I was able to slow down this past weekend. The college group at my church, HACM, went on a retreat to Devil’s Den State Park. Our college director, Lawson [he’s a cool guy, you should check out his blog here.], coordinated and planned it all. The theme was “Listen”. The first night we talked about Mary and Martha. Hmm, let’s just say it was a huge slap in the face from the Lord about the fact that I’ve been such a Martha lately. I’ve been so caught up in serving that I’ve forgotten to listen to our Lord. While what I’ve been doing, and all of the thing’s I’m involved in are good things I’ve been distracted and forgotten to be replenished by God simply by listening to what He has to teach me.
This weekend really opened my eyes to some things. Some things I’ve been avoiding thinking about for a long while. I realize that I need to slow down. I don’t want to go through life just blazing through every day. I want to stop and smell the flowers. I need to stop. I need to be a Mary in a Martha world. I need my heart to be longing for what the Lord has for me, not distracted by how I can best serve Him.
Does this mean that I need to stop serving? I don’t think so. What I think it means is that I need to slow down while serving and really pay attention to what’s going on. I need to be intentional with everything I do, and listen to what others are saying around me and learn from them.
What about you? Have you been piling so many things on in your life that you’ve forgotten to stop and listen to what God is trying to teach you? How are you being a Mary in a Martha world?