One of my close friends just got dumped. The guys reasoning? He didn’t “feel” anything anymore…Oh my lanta! When I heard this, I just about burst a gasket!
He doesn’t “feel” anything anymore? I wanted to drop kick the guy in the face!
Relationships aren’t about feelings! Do you think after being married to someone for 25 years, that you’re still going to have the butterflies in your stomach every time you see them, or hold their hand? OF COURSE NOT! Once you’ve seen them in their grossness, in their sickness, smelt their farts, cleaned up their throw-up, dealt with their short fallings, and all of the other little quirks that come out in marriage…do you really think that you’re still going to “feel” something every single time you see them? No. You’re not.
You see, loving someone isn’t all about feelings. [*disclaimer*, I am not saying that my friend and her boyfriend were in love, but being in a relationship moves in that direction…] Love is an action. It’s something you choose. One of the most famous passages in the Bible about love talks about how it “bears all things” and “endures all things.” Love is something that we choose to do because we have a desire to do so. There’s no feeling involved.
Now, don’t go thinking I’m of the opinion that there should be zero emotion/feelings in a relationship. In fact, I think, to some degree, that they’re necessary. However, my stance is that if/when you don’t feel the butterflies you did when you were first dating I don’t think you should break it off. You can’t date someone for 3 months, stop feeling giddy every time you see them, and then call it quits. If you’re looking for a happy-go-lucky relationship all the time then you need to grow up. Life’s not all grins and happiness, and relationships certainly aren’t that way either. When you enter into a relationship you should be mature enough to know that it’s not going to be all fun and games the whole time. Sometimes you’re not going to want to see/hang out with that other person. Sometimes you won’t feel overjoyed to be in their presence, but knowing that, and expecting it going into the relationship should prepare you to grow and mature even more.
You don’t always have to like someone, but we are called to love all people, all the time. John 13:35 talks about how people will know we are Christ’s because of our love for one another. We are supposed to love everyone, despite his or her flaws, despite the lack of desire to do so, and despite the fact that we can’t feel anything anymore.
I don’t apologize for this rant in the least…What are your thoughts about love and feelings? Are they necessary? Should you always feel something when you’re with your “significant other?”