I??!? Ate a STRAWBERRY??!

Well guys…I finally did it.

I ATE A STRAWBERRY!

I know, it’s ridiculous that I haven’t ever had one before, but honestly they scare[d] me…BUT, I did it!

And honestly? It wasn’t bad. It actually TASTED really good…but the seeds kind of grossed me out. And I know that I don’t have to love them just because I tried them, but I am glad to say that I would [and probably will] eat one again. Thanks friends for all of your encouragement for me on this adventure.

After finally surrendering something that I haven’t done because of stubbornness I seriously feel like a physical weight has been lifted from my back! It’s really refreshing.

And y’all, can I just say this stressed me out! To try something that is a legitimate fear…wow. But it was so very worth it.

I know that the Lord has great things planned for me, and He wanted to know if I would be obedient to surrender everything…and in order for me to do that I had to lay down my stubbornness. No, I am NOT saying I am not longer stubborn, because I will be stubborn until the day I die, but what I AM saying is that the Lord is growing me.

He is asking me to do hard things and that looks different for everyone! For me, it was not being a picky eater anymore. I can almost guarantee there is something in your life that you’re holding on to and not surrendering to the Lord. He says pick up your cross, and that means lay down ALL of you—all of your hopes, dreams, thoughts, life plans, habits, desires, etc.

Are you willing to pursue Him with reckless abandonment? What’s holding you back? What do you need to surrender?

PS, here’s the link for the video…sorry it’s so dramatic!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=3747198889167&notif_t=like

Numbness.

Numbness.

That’s the best way to describe how I am right now.

I’m numb.

I haven’t felt anything for over a month.

My heart hasn’t really been stirred for over a month.

Sure, there have been times that I have laughed, and smiled, and simply enjoyed life,

But for the most part, nothing.

I’m struggling.

I’m struggling with something, but I cannot, for the life of me, put my finger on what it is.

It doesn’t really make since.

I’m not depressed, I choose joy daily, I seek the Lord, and I know that He is there, yet I feel…nothing.

Nothing really penetrates into my skin.

Nothing really makes my heart become wonderfully aware.

And I don’t know why.

But that’s how it is.

And I don’t really like it, but I don’t know what to do about it.

So for now, I’ll just stay numb.

And I’ll struggle, with whatever it is.

And I’ll take comfort in the reality that I have a Savior who struggled too.

He knows what’s going on.

So for now, I’ll do the only thing I can.

I will trust.

How have you been feeling lately?

No Longer A Picky Eater?

I’ve been a picky eater pretty much my entire life. One time, about a year ago, I made a list of the food items I would consume, and it consisted of 37 things. Yea, I was THAT kid.

Something I’ve also been for most of my life is stubborn. I like things done a certain way, I tend to be very set in my ways, and I definitely have an opinion about certain things that I’m just not willing to budge on.

However, about a month ago I came to a realization that I did not like this about myself. The reason why I am such a picky eater is because I am such a stubborn person. And well, the Lord has been urging me to consider my stubbornness and why I am not open to new things.

Upon searching deep into myself, I realized that if I am being so stubborn about something as trivial as trying new foods, something that will never really cause me harm [unless I was allergic] then what else was I being stubborn about? How else was this way of thinking causing me to miss out on the life God has for me? In what ways has God been trying to mold me into His image that my stubbornness/unwillingness to change has caused me to miss out?

So, after a lot of digging my heels in the ground this spring break I decided that I was going to eat whatever was put in front of me. No matter what! Old biases, memories, or psychological fears were thrown out! I went in with an attitude that whatever I ate, no matter if I remember it being gross, was going to be good.

So, what do you think I had to eat for dinner the first night? Black bean soup, Mexican style (meaning it was basically mushed up black beans with cheese on top.) Now, I would be a liar if I said I went in to eating this with an excited mindset…because I didn’t. However, after giving myself a pep talk, I got up enough courage to try at least a spoon full, and what do you know? Beans are good! My lanta, I have been so afraid to try beans because they look like deer turds, and well, I was tricked once by my brothers into eating real deer poop, and so I’ve been mentally scarred for most of my life. However, when I tried them, they actually tasted good. So for the rest of the week I ate whatever was made, without complain, and a very open mind, something I have never done before with food.

I won’t bore you with stories of all the other things I ate last week, but here’s a list:

Beans [obviously]
Sushi
Shrimp
Mushrooms
Onions
Eggplant
Squash
Zucchini
Green smoothies
Vegetable pizza
Jelly fish [seriously! It surprisingly wasn’t awful either!]

I’m sure there were some other things, but these I know that I have had previous bias against, and for me to try them speaks volumes!

Through this entire week I have realized a few things. (1) Food, other than what I am used to eating, is actually pretty good, and it really won’t make me sick [however, some of the sushi did make me gag…Seriously? Raw fish texture = disgusting…] (2) When I put my mind to something, I can change. [I guess this goes along with the whole stubbornness aspect of myself] and (3) God can break down the hardest of hearts, and sometimes it comes in the form of a picky eater, who is stubborn beyond reason, but decides that she is going to seek after the Lord with reckless abandonment and that might mean trying new foods.

I’m definitely still stubborn, but after seeing myself eat foods I have literally sworn I never would, I know that the Lord is going to be doing great things in my life. I just need to keep surrendering myself for more of Him.

 

Where are you being stubborn in your life? How has the Lord been trying to grow you lately?

P.S. what other foods should I try…any suggestions?

Fake v. Sincere.

Have you ever met someone who was really fake? I mean, someone who talked a really good talk, and claimed to live by certain standards, but really didn’t? I once knew someone who claimed that I should read my bible every single day and not flirt with every guy who I came in contact with. Both of these two ideas, I completely agree with. However, what was ridiculous was that upon getting to know this individual, they never actually read their bible, they only read a text they got with a verse a day…also, they were quite possibly the biggest flirt I’ve ever met. I laugh at it now, but at the time I was really confused. It didn’t make any sense, because this person would get on to people who did not live by these standards, claiming, “that’s really not what Christ would want you to be doing. You shouldn’t be talking to that guy because it seems like you’re flirting with him.” [Seriously y’all, they said things like that!] But then they would go and talk to the firs guy they saw! When I confronted this person about their two faced-ness, they said that I shouldn’t judge them, because judging is a sin. They said I need to stop looking at the speck in their eye, and get the log out of my own. Man, I wish I would have been as sure of myself as I am now, back then. I can’t help but laugh at these types of people. Now, this was an extreme example, but you get the point don’t you? When you say something, but act a completely different way, you’re fake. You’re a hypocrite, and honestly, people probably won’t like you, and if they do they’re probably only tolerating you.

But have you ever met someone that was just really sincere. They were open about their faults, aware that they didn’t have all of the answers. They guided you to the truths they’ve discovered, and could point out where they see these ideas/truths in scripture. Yea, these people are a breath of fresh air. Sincere people are the ones you want to take out to lunch, and get to know better.

It’s not always easy to be sincere. Honestly, I think it’s quite difficult. I say this because it takes a lot of humility and vulnerability, two characteristics that most have a hard time coming to grips with. Vulnerability especially, it’s really difficult to let yourself be an open target, because when you get hit, it hurts. However, the most vulnerable people, the ones who openly admit to their failings, and seek forgiveness when they are wrong, are the most sincere people we will ever meet.

So who do you want to be? Or rather, who are you? Don’t get me wrong, I am not undermining that living a sincere life is easy, because it’s not. And yes, we will mess up and not be honest to everyone about every aspect of our lives. But, what we can do is try. When we recognize that we are claiming to live one way, but others point out that’s jut not the case, we aught to be humble and accept their criticism. Strive to live a sincere life, because it’s that life style that we have a great example of. Christ did not live a two-faced life. No, he was sincere and practiced what he taught. If you don’t believe me, read the gospels. Seriously, go look at his life and learn how to live sincerely by what you see there.

Are you putting up a facade, or are you practicing a sincere lifestyle?

A Response, and Why I LOVE Being Single

So, I definitely had this post [or rather, one similar to it] scheduled to go out at 12:07 today. However, I received an email at 9:43 this morning, and it warrants a reply.

Earlier today I posted a Facebook status that read, “Happy singles awareness day y’all! [This status ain’t bitter]” and a Tweet that read, “Happy singles awareness day y’all! #thistweetaintbitter”

The email I received said,

“Please girl, you’re more bitter than a crab apple. Only bitter people would post to BOTH their Facebook and Twitter accounts about today being ‘singles awareness day.’ Honey, you’re mad that you’re single, AND THAT’S OKAY! Stop saying you ‘ain’t bitter’ and admit that you are! Nothing’s wrong with wanting some chocolate and a rose on VALENTINES DAY (as it’s PROPERLY termed)! So get over yourself, don’t lie to the social media world that you are not bitter when in fact you are. If there’s one thing you should learn from this act of immaturity, it is that you are not ready to have a boyfriend, because you have to be willing to give things up and change in order to get one of them, and apparently you are not willing to give up your bitterness. You must have been hurt really badly by some boy in high school, because honestly from your status and tweet, it’s almost like you are a high schooler…

Love,

Anonymous (just here to put your day into perspective!)”

First off, I would like everyone to know that I am not angry about this email at all. In fact, when I read it after class, I laughed quite hard. The funny thing to me was that I was going to explain those two posts in this here blog post. I’m still going to do that, except I am going to answer a few accusations that were made about me through this email.

Obviously, this individual whose desire is to “put my day into perspective” knows me. If they read both my Facebook status, and tweet, then I have met them at some point in my life [the only “friends” I have on Facebook are people I know in some degree, a general rule is that I’ve shaken their hand before] Anyways, that’s not really that important, I just wanted to point that out.

Something else, I really don’t understand how this person thought I was bitter from these posts. I clearly said “This status ain’t bitter” and “#thistweetaintbitter” so that people would know that I am only having fun with terming Valentine’s Day as “Singles Awareness Day.” I really am not bitter. In fact, I am overjoyed that I am single right now. My life is so confusing for myself as is, that I would hate to have the pressure of a boy in my life right now. Anyways, more on that in a moment.

I have to say, I agree with this individual that I am too immature for a boyfriend right now, because I think I am. A relationship is a huge commitment, and well, quite honestly [because I want to be mature] I don’t want to give my heart away and get hurt by any and everyone because I don’t protect my heart or use judgment when getting into a relationship. However, something I do not agree with this person on is that “you have to be willing to give things up and change in order to get one of them.” Honestly, and maybe this is just me being naïve, but I don’t think you should have to give things up or change when it comes to getting into a relationship. I mean, you are who you are. So should you really try and give things up and change who you are because you want to be perceived as someone else or someone that you’re not? I would willingly give up my time, and weekends in order to get to know someone…however, I don’t think I need to give things up, especially in the dating part of a relationship. That’s why you date, to get to know those things about the other person, so you can see if you can live with those things about a person that you might not like.

One last thing I want to address, I was not, and never have been hurt badly by any guy in my life. I have never dated anyone before, in fact I have never been on a date [except a blind date that was organized by my school]. I grew up with three brothers, and have an amazing dad, and frankly my track record with men is wonderful.

Okay, so my original thoughts on Valentines day is coming, don’t worry. I just want everyone to know that I have emailed this individual back, and explained that I would be addressing this on my blog. Thus far, they have not responded back to my email.

{Here’s my original post}

Well, everyone, here it is, the reasons why I LOVE being single:

(1) I don’t have to take anyone else into consideration if I want to do something crazy and adventurous! I can decide that I want to drive to D.C. for spring break, and I don’t have to worry about anyone else being concerned.

(2) I HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO DO WHATEVER I WANT! As a Christian, I love having time to simply study the word, and really dive into it. There is no other time in my life that I will have this opportunity again. I enjoy having my weekends and not having to hang out with certain people [or a certain person] all the time. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to, and not have to worry about someone else’s opinions.

(3) I am learning contentment with whatever situation I find myself in. In high school I used to long for a relationship, and since I never had one I struggled with my self image, thinking I had a “reflect every guy on the planet” radar around me. However, my senior year, when I actually started caring about who the Lord was in my life, He began revealing who I was according to Him which is way better than who I thought I was according to me.

(4) I can pursue my dreams. Honestly, the idea of getting into a realationship is kind of daunting, because I have a lot of things I want to do with my life [like lead a team to South America and help out the community in ways the Lord has revealed to my heart.] Being in a relationship, serious or not, would greatly hinder that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am seeking the Lords will in my every day life, so if I meet someone and we get married, and we move wherever he gets a job, great! But for some reason, I don’t think that’s going to be happening all that soon…

(5) This is the last point I am going to make. I love being single because I am discovering that I already have the most amazing Man in my life. His name is Jesus, and I just have to say, He’s AWESOME! Something that makes me so full of joy about being single right now is that I am discovering my identy in Him, not in what this world says, or about what some guy thinks of me. No, my strength, love, and identification comes directly from my Savior and Lord.

So today, even as I joke about Valentine’s Day really being “Singles Awareness Day” [if you read my Facebook status, or Tweet earlier, or know me at all, you’ll understand the humor of this] I hope you realize that singleness is a gift, one that you shouldn’t waste. You will never get your single days back, and as Trace Adkins puts it, “you’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back. You’re gonna wish these days, hadn’t gone by so fast.”

So enjoy your singleness. Enjoy where you are NOW. Don’t dwell on the past, or long for the future. Be here. Be present. Discover who the Lord has called you to be, and chase after Him and that promise.

Love y’all, and happy singles awareness day ;)